So what's next?

yeah, I know I've been neglecting my beloved blog. It's not by choice though. I've been having a bit of an internet problem for like what? A year now? Sorry all, but I'll be back as soon as possible to bring you all the delicious destruction I've been saving up.

NYC: You can't make it here, you can't make it any where...

Do you know what glitter is made of? Before you wrack your brains for the answer, I'll tell you: Glitter is made of broken dreams. I begin with this because I've noticed that a few sidewalks in Manhattan are very, very glittery(Don't ask me where they are because I don't know the difference between upper and lower and east and west sides. Let's just say it was the rich part of town where at 1 a.m. there were Mexican workers diligently scrubbing the sidewalks).

You see, New York City or I guess more specifically Manhattan (since out-of-towners forget that the Bronx and Queens and such are part of the city too) is the promised land of the young and bored. The place where you go to "make it." Just the other day i stumbled onto MTV's True Life: I'm Moving to New York. My first thoughts upon seeing these demographically appropriate fresh-faced young Caucasians was "No, get the fuck out." It wasn't their race or anything that bothered me, it was the fact that they're competition. We all know the job market sucks now and this is especially true in the NYC. It's always been ultra-competive here, that's why it's such an honor to actually land a good job and this influx of small-town kids is seriously screwing it up for all the natives, myself included.

When you're a native New Yorker people believe you're cultured or privilaged in some way. Yes, I am privilaged to live in a city whose rent I can't afford because yuppies want to see the skyline (see gentrification in Harlem) . Yeah, I live within traveling distance of Broadway shows I can't attend and landmarks I've never been to. My public schooling was among the worst in the entire country, slave to the Regents exam, and the higher education systems that are specifically supposed to benefit me, SUNY and CUNY, get their funding slashed every year. Yes, it's great to live in NYC.

Now, with banks failing and businesses big and small closing up left and right, NYC looks like it's decaying from the inside. The rising unemployment rate plus the lack of new cops is gonna contribute to a dramatic rise in crime. One mugger a few weeks ago actually attributed his crime to the failing economy. Even welfare is being threatened with cuts and I'm sure everyone's heard of the ridiculous taxes the governor wants to impose on us (a tax on non-diet soda? seriously?).

I know I sound bitter but it's because I am. This is a horrible time to be out of college, deep in debt, and on your own while contending with the American national belief that anyone can make it. Yeah, right. NYC is supposed to be everyone's shining mecca of opportunity. I lived here all my life so shouldn't I get a chance to benefit as well? For those who haven't already succeeded, New York City is fast becoming America's city of broken dreams.

Jerkassess of the Holiday season: '08 Edition

Hey everyone. I've decided to continue my smash Jerkasses series. Why? Because there are just so many of them especially now that it's the holiday season. Let's have a quick rundown, shall we?

Jerkasses of the Holiday Season:
2008 Edition

1. Black Friday Shoppers
Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving and, as the official start to the Christmas season, the biggest shopping day of the year. But for the morning mob that descended on my local Valley stream Wal-Mart, it was the day to trample a Wal-Mart worker to actual death. Saving $50 bucks on that new plasma screen was totally worth killing that guy and injuring a pregnant lady. Merry Christmas murderers.

2. People who shop for Christmas presents-- with their kids!
Yeah, this is just dumb. How are the presents supposed to be a surprise when the kids are right their supervising the purchase. I know you wanna get your kids what they want but have them rwrite a list or something. At this rate you mifght as well give them money so they can get it themselves. And another thing, you know the malls are crowded. So why are you making it worse with strollers and toddlers who can't walk?! Leave the baggae at home!

3. Video Game Challenged Parents.
This is closely related to #2. The games stores this season were filled with middle aged people who don't know thew difference between a Nintendo DS and an XBOX 360 or the games that go with it. One lady seriosuly asked which game was the new one, NBA2K8 or 2K9. Like, you don't even need to know about games to figure that one out (which is the newer year, dummy?) Technology is moving at a fast pace, but please try to keep up. And if you can't, get the hell outta the line so I can pay for Cooking Mama!

4. Gamestop
They marked up so many of their used games to dupe exasperated parents. They are jerks.

5. Public transportation
Don't pretend you don't know it's cold. Don't act like you don't know I have a lot of holiday crap to carry. Why the hell do we have bus schedules if the damn buses never come on time? You bastards, this stuff is heavy...

6. "Happy Holidays"
The correct pronunciation is "Merry Christmas" okay? If you know someone Jewish you say "Happy Hannukah" and if you know someone who celebrates Kwanzaa, you're a liar (see #7). Otherwise say Christmas okay? Man, I thought President Bush made this country all Christian again.

7. Kwanzaa
Yeah, I said it and I don't care. Kwanzaa is a jerk. Why? Because everyone thinks I celebrate it because I'm black. I've been on this earth for almost 24 years and have yet to meet a single person who celebrates Kwanzaa. Is it even a real holiday?

8. People who advertise Christmas trees for sale on the roadside.
What a shady operation that is. Do people really buy them? It seems like a trap to me.

9. Holiday TV
Does anyone watch A Christmas Story? That shit comes on for 24 hours every Christmas and I will never watch it. Every damn channel starts marathons of crap nmo one wanted to watch in the first place. Don't they understand thet everyone's stuck home on the holidays without work or school to go to? They should put actual good shows on so I can waste my time and kill my brains cells in a more productive manner. I mean the Yule Log? Why would I want to see a log burning? To bring back fond memories of the chimney no one has in their homes anymore? So dumb.

Aww. I was going for a top ten. See how jerky the holidays are? They even screw up your lists

"Post-Racial"- Cultural Milestone or Political Bullshit?

Since I don't update my blog as regularly should or want to, I totally missed out on the election mostly because politics isn't exactly something I follow (or understand). But this year's election was truly historic, ending with a decisive victory for America's first biracial candidate, Barack Obama. But we all know this. What I want to talk about now is not the election or the change in our nation's politics that this win will (hopefully) create. What is want to discuss is post-racialism. This phrase has been buzzing around all year in response to Obama's campaign. Only now that he's actually on his way to the White House do I feel I guess confident enough to talk about it.

Post-racial basically means that racism is dead, racism is over, and race doesn't matter to anyone anymore. The fact that a black man, or at least a man with an African-American ethnic background, was supported by America's people and elected to its highest office means that race didn't matter. Seems cool, right? And on the surface it seems true. I mean that fact that Obama won means he garnered a lot of white support, since black people only make up about 13% of the population. But this entire concept of post-racialism is complete and utter bullshit.

Why? Because during the campaign, the issue of race was coming from every media outlet. All the news networks kept asking "Will whites vote for Obama?" Well, why wouldn't they. He's smart, qualified-- oh wait, half of him's black. Guess that's reason enough for doubt. No one asked if blacks would support him. They assumed we would, just because he's black, as if black people don't care about issues and blindly follow anyone brown (this attitude exists in every facet of society and it's suickening. I can't count how many times I'm questioned as to why I don't like 'black things" what the hell are 'black' things? The night sky?). On the flip side, the media asked "Is Obama black enough for black voters?" One, just the idea of being black enough feeds into sterotypical depicitions of blacks and two, the whitewashed cable news networks wouldn't be qualifieid to judge anyway.

To use this term, I think is to sweep America's complex racial history under the table and start over. It's too much of an over-simplification, ignoring the realities. Yes, we're getting a black man in office, but I still don't see any on the television. I still see police unfairly harrassing minorities. I still have to worry about what neighborhoods I can enter if I don't want to be accosted. Race still matters. It matters on the street and in the office. It will matter until the diverse peoples of the United States have attained complete equality. I'm not just talking about picking your seat on the bus. I'm talking about being able to one day wake up without the baggage your skin color carries with.

That's not to say we should strike out race or ethinicity. To suddenly say your racial or ethinic identity is no longer valid is wrong, and that's what"post-racialism" is to me.

This is a sensitive issue and so for the first time, you don't have to listen me about it. But ask yourself this: Are our nation's racial wounds really healed now? Or is just a quick-fix band-aid?

Live Action Diaster!!! Goku Goes to High School!

The horror, the horror...

That poster really says it all, though in Japanese, but I'm gonna elaborate anyway. As you all should know, the live action Dragonball movie is slated for release in Spring '09. As you should also know, I am a DB fanatic and this "movie," if that's what they want to call this Smallville-esque bastardization, has me reeling. I know I should be "reserving judgment" until the thing actually comes out, but I'm gonna condemn it now!

And right now it totally sucks. It's like these guys decided to make a DB movie without even glancing at the manga or anime. For example take a look at their "Lord Piccolo," courtesy of Dragonball Live

Spike...?

James Marsters promised his Piccolo would be cool. It's not cool. It's not even Piccolo, Daimao or Junior!!!! I trusted you James!!! Usually the villain in the piece is the best looking and most often best acted character. I think James Marsters is a good actor and everything but what does it matter? He's not GREEN! He could stretch his arms, murder Shen Long, and even pull a Makankosappo out of his ass and it wouldn't matter because he isn't green (that's fucking yellow!) and doesn't have antennae. Those are like his defining characteristics! I bet he's not even gonna be released from a magical rice cooker either!*sigh*

Puddy Patroler or Namek Ninja? Either way, it sucks

Everything is, I dunno... off. There's so many questionable story and character changes that it's hardly the kick ass lighthearted fun that's DB. Must adaptions strip the very essence of the original? I mean they wanna put Goku in high school. Are you f-ing serious? This is the kid that didn't know what a car was and had never seen a girl. And they wanna put him in school? And of course Chi-Chi has to also go to that school and be like the queen bee of the campus. Lame. Bulma's hair isn't blue and Roshi has no beard or sunglasses. He's played by Chow-Yun Fat so the martial arts will be good, but unless he tries to grab some boobs it's not Roshi.

Is "Bulma" about to jump "Goku" in his own house?

And then there's all the extra unnecessary stuff. Like extraneous characters. It was the downfall of MK: Annihliation and it's gonna screw up Dragonball. Why is Mai in this? She was Emperor Pilaf's loyal henchwoman, not Piccolo's. Dammit, Piccolo Daimao's got enough henchies/children already (Piano, Cymbal, Piano, etc...) Is this so they can have a stereotypical Dragon Lady to fight? Didn't Live Free or Die Hard just do that (Was Maggie Q really necessary? Was Another Die Hard really necessary?) ? They're not even doing Pilaf so what the hell is she doing here?

That's not exactly Mai, but whatever, she's hot

And what's with the non-canon, totally filler friends, Teto and Emi? Goku has friends. Cool friends like Tenshinhan that should've been in this freakin' movie. You what, screw Ten, Krillin's not even in this. How could they leave him out? The whole reason Goku challenged Piccolo Daimao in the first place was because he (through one of the henchies) killed Krillin! So Goku's motivation is just "Stop thew bad guy 'cause it's the heroic thing to do"? That's every action movie ever made in the history of ever. DB has a lot to it that action, especially before we hit the Saiyan Saga (I don't care what FUNi says, it's called the damn Saiyan Saga!)

Lies!
There's only one black person in DB and that's Mr. Popo!

I know I'm complaining a lot, but it's my fanboy nature. And I believe it's justified. This is ridiculous. it's gonna turn out just like Speed Racer. No one will see it because it's made for the wrong market. Hardcore DB Fans hate it 'cause it's so damn wrong. Casual fans will remember it fondly from the Toonami days and then not see it. Fans of other anime thinks DB is "gay" already. The 18-24 male demographic will skip it completely (Forbidden Kingdom which is basically the same thing as live action DB doesn't have the promise of Jet Li pissing in Jackie Chan's face (best scene ever IMO)). Children won't remember it or worse, think it's a Naruto ripoff.

Even so, I'm kinda hoping it makes enough to warrant a sequel. Then we can move onto my favorite character, Vegeta, and then I can really complain!

Secret Origins

Superdickery.com has bested me. Check out the image below.

Defensive move or sexual assault? You decide

See? That's Batman totally copping a feel. Awesome. He's totally grabbing up a big black chick. Awesomer. This thus proves that not only is Batman down with the swirl (Check out the ending of Mystery of the Batwoman) , he's down with the chunky swirl (See also the Cadmus arc of JLU). My friend and I noticed this while watching the premier episode of Justice League like last year or something. I found it so hilarious that I named my domain name here after it. And that's the secret origin of Tasty Chaos's Blogger blog. The funny thing is, I was planning on making that same screenshot and posting it here and totally explore the origins of this blog, including the pre-Crisis version. But I was beaten to the punch. Oh well, less work for me.

Jerkassess of the NYC Subway System

Yeah, I know it's been awhile, and I know this isn't like game related at all, but I said I was gonna talk about cultural stuff, and this is one thing that seriously ticks me off. You see, I have to use the subway a lot more than I used to because of work and now I understand my people suddenly snap. The morning commute alone is enough to make you crazy, especially the jerks on the train. Allow me to offer a list of all the people that make my commute a hell. Tasty Chaos proudly presents:

Jerkasses of the NYC Subway System

1. Subway trains
Yeah, I'm blaming the trains themselves. I don't care if they're inanimate objects, they suck. They never arrive on any kind of "time." They just come when they want, which is when there's a large crowd waiting so I'm guaranteed not to have a seat. Or you know, they don't come at all. This usually happens when it's late at night and I'm standing alone on the platform, totally at risk for rape or something.


2. Old People
I'm sorry, but old people need to get off of public transportation. I don't care what amazing stories of the Great War they have, they're in my way. Either they stand up on the train, not holding onto anything so that they sway and stumble until some charitable person gives them a seat, or they demand a seat from you on the basis they they are old and you are young. This flawless logic leads them to believe that us blasted whippersnappers have the fortitude to stand up, even though our feet hurt just as bad, if not worse, because we actually do things during the day instead of spending hours at the supermarket buying one avocado in pennies. Jerks.



3. People who Read
I like books too, but it is really necessary to read on the train? Especially when you don't have a seat? I've seen people risk bodily serious harm because they'd rather finish up a romance novel(in Spanish of course) than hold onto something. I like reading too, but I like having non-broken bones more. Can't you wait for your lunch break? Is the sports section so damn compelling? What makes this super annoying is that all these readers stand right next to me. One guy even stood right behind me and kept hitting me on the back of the head with his goddamn book. And no hint of an apology. Ass.



3.5 People Who Read the New York Times
These douchebags get their own spot on the list. The Times is the worse paper ever to read in public. It's like ten feet wide and full of pretention and badly placed articles. Often, its readers will try to fold it in half as they read, though the paper still takes up its own seat. Then there are the supreme douches that hold it open, unleashing its full goddamn wingspan, while standing up. They can't hold onto anything of course, but when they stumble, and they do, they look at you like it's your fault they fell on you. I hate these people. I really do.




4. CUNY Students
For you non-native New Yorkers, CUNY stands for City University of New York, so my gripe here is with college students. Individually they're not so bad, I know a lot real cool CUNY kids. But once my train reaches Lexington Ave, the rage takes over. These kids, with their messenger bags and unlimited metrocards and their inability to shut up about their "college stuff" crowd the train like crazy. At certain hours of the day, you cannot take the 6 train for fear of them. And they seem to think I'm one of them, because I'm young and have a messenger bag, so they like to look at me with disdain because I don't look cool enough for them or something.


5. Chicks with Big Asses who Know it
Some chicks are real determined to sit down, even if the space available is too damn small for their gigantic asses. Is something wrong with your eyes, lady? Can you not judge surface area correctly? Or do you not know how fat you are? Trying to squeeze a full size adult ass into a six inch space in uncomfortable for all parties. One lady I saw had the nerve not only to sit in a space to small for her, but ask everyone sitting to move down so she could have more room. The room she got was actually my seat. Bitch.


6. Un-chivalrous Men.
Dude, give me your seat. Seriously. I'm a cute young lady too short to reach the handrail thing. Get your ass up.


7. People Who Awkwardly Hold the Pole.
If you can't hold onto a certain pole in a natural position, don't hold it. If you need to need to play a difficult round of Twister to reach this thing, then find another one. Grabbing the thing underhanded with your back turned over someone's head will not support you and you will only fall onto me or wind up hitting me in the face(again!)


8. Smelly People
These people make #7 even worse. Sharing personal space underground in a speeding metal box is not cool. And I'm not talking about homeless people, they're not jerks. I'm talking about the ones who bathe in perfume/cologne or smell like food or just general uncleanliness. Please, be considerate of your fellow passengers. Bathe.


9. "Cool" People Who Lean Against the Doors
I put the cool in quotes cuz these jerkoffs are not cool. They never move. They just stand there when you're trying to get on or trying to get off at your stop. Move asshole! And sometimes, the door is the only visible window, so you need to see it so you know where the hell you are. But no, these jerks block my view so I almost miss my stop. I guess it's my fault for not memorizing every single stop ever. The only good thing about them is that they think they look all "gangster" leaning against the doors and then fall when they open. Hahaha. Losers.


10. Panhandlers.
These jerks come in all shapes and sizes. Living statues, kids wanting you to buy their overpriced candy, the guy selling batteries, and losers playing the clarinet. They all have one thing in common: I'm not giving them my fucking money. it's mine and you're not gonna guilt me or impress me into giving it to you. I don't like working either but you don't see me break dancin' for spare change. If you're that talented, why can't you parlay that into a real job? Beware tourists, don't get tricked. Most of those guys actually have days jobs, they just like to dirty themselves up and scam you out of your tourist money. Except the midget in Times Square who dances to Michael Jackson. He's cool. Give him a dollar or something, you can spare it. Stingy bastards.


This concludes the list. Sorry, but I just needed to get that off my chest. Make sure to watch out for these jerkoffs and when you see them, give 'em a big punch in the face for me.