Jerkassess of the Holiday season: '08 Edition

Hey everyone. I've decided to continue my smash Jerkasses series. Why? Because there are just so many of them especially now that it's the holiday season. Let's have a quick rundown, shall we?

Jerkasses of the Holiday Season:
2008 Edition

1. Black Friday Shoppers
Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving and, as the official start to the Christmas season, the biggest shopping day of the year. But for the morning mob that descended on my local Valley stream Wal-Mart, it was the day to trample a Wal-Mart worker to actual death. Saving $50 bucks on that new plasma screen was totally worth killing that guy and injuring a pregnant lady. Merry Christmas murderers.

2. People who shop for Christmas presents-- with their kids!
Yeah, this is just dumb. How are the presents supposed to be a surprise when the kids are right their supervising the purchase. I know you wanna get your kids what they want but have them rwrite a list or something. At this rate you mifght as well give them money so they can get it themselves. And another thing, you know the malls are crowded. So why are you making it worse with strollers and toddlers who can't walk?! Leave the baggae at home!

3. Video Game Challenged Parents.
This is closely related to #2. The games stores this season were filled with middle aged people who don't know thew difference between a Nintendo DS and an XBOX 360 or the games that go with it. One lady seriosuly asked which game was the new one, NBA2K8 or 2K9. Like, you don't even need to know about games to figure that one out (which is the newer year, dummy?) Technology is moving at a fast pace, but please try to keep up. And if you can't, get the hell outta the line so I can pay for Cooking Mama!

4. Gamestop
They marked up so many of their used games to dupe exasperated parents. They are jerks.

5. Public transportation
Don't pretend you don't know it's cold. Don't act like you don't know I have a lot of holiday crap to carry. Why the hell do we have bus schedules if the damn buses never come on time? You bastards, this stuff is heavy...

6. "Happy Holidays"
The correct pronunciation is "Merry Christmas" okay? If you know someone Jewish you say "Happy Hannukah" and if you know someone who celebrates Kwanzaa, you're a liar (see #7). Otherwise say Christmas okay? Man, I thought President Bush made this country all Christian again.

7. Kwanzaa
Yeah, I said it and I don't care. Kwanzaa is a jerk. Why? Because everyone thinks I celebrate it because I'm black. I've been on this earth for almost 24 years and have yet to meet a single person who celebrates Kwanzaa. Is it even a real holiday?

8. People who advertise Christmas trees for sale on the roadside.
What a shady operation that is. Do people really buy them? It seems like a trap to me.

9. Holiday TV
Does anyone watch A Christmas Story? That shit comes on for 24 hours every Christmas and I will never watch it. Every damn channel starts marathons of crap nmo one wanted to watch in the first place. Don't they understand thet everyone's stuck home on the holidays without work or school to go to? They should put actual good shows on so I can waste my time and kill my brains cells in a more productive manner. I mean the Yule Log? Why would I want to see a log burning? To bring back fond memories of the chimney no one has in their homes anymore? So dumb.

Aww. I was going for a top ten. See how jerky the holidays are? They even screw up your lists