Live Action Diaster!!! Goku Goes to High School!

The horror, the horror...

That poster really says it all, though in Japanese, but I'm gonna elaborate anyway. As you all should know, the live action Dragonball movie is slated for release in Spring '09. As you should also know, I am a DB fanatic and this "movie," if that's what they want to call this Smallville-esque bastardization, has me reeling. I know I should be "reserving judgment" until the thing actually comes out, but I'm gonna condemn it now!

And right now it totally sucks. It's like these guys decided to make a DB movie without even glancing at the manga or anime. For example take a look at their "Lord Piccolo," courtesy of Dragonball Live

Spike...?

James Marsters promised his Piccolo would be cool. It's not cool. It's not even Piccolo, Daimao or Junior!!!! I trusted you James!!! Usually the villain in the piece is the best looking and most often best acted character. I think James Marsters is a good actor and everything but what does it matter? He's not GREEN! He could stretch his arms, murder Shen Long, and even pull a Makankosappo out of his ass and it wouldn't matter because he isn't green (that's fucking yellow!) and doesn't have antennae. Those are like his defining characteristics! I bet he's not even gonna be released from a magical rice cooker either!*sigh*

Puddy Patroler or Namek Ninja? Either way, it sucks

Everything is, I dunno... off. There's so many questionable story and character changes that it's hardly the kick ass lighthearted fun that's DB. Must adaptions strip the very essence of the original? I mean they wanna put Goku in high school. Are you f-ing serious? This is the kid that didn't know what a car was and had never seen a girl. And they wanna put him in school? And of course Chi-Chi has to also go to that school and be like the queen bee of the campus. Lame. Bulma's hair isn't blue and Roshi has no beard or sunglasses. He's played by Chow-Yun Fat so the martial arts will be good, but unless he tries to grab some boobs it's not Roshi.

Is "Bulma" about to jump "Goku" in his own house?

And then there's all the extra unnecessary stuff. Like extraneous characters. It was the downfall of MK: Annihliation and it's gonna screw up Dragonball. Why is Mai in this? She was Emperor Pilaf's loyal henchwoman, not Piccolo's. Dammit, Piccolo Daimao's got enough henchies/children already (Piano, Cymbal, Piano, etc...) Is this so they can have a stereotypical Dragon Lady to fight? Didn't Live Free or Die Hard just do that (Was Maggie Q really necessary? Was Another Die Hard really necessary?) ? They're not even doing Pilaf so what the hell is she doing here?

That's not exactly Mai, but whatever, she's hot

And what's with the non-canon, totally filler friends, Teto and Emi? Goku has friends. Cool friends like Tenshinhan that should've been in this freakin' movie. You what, screw Ten, Krillin's not even in this. How could they leave him out? The whole reason Goku challenged Piccolo Daimao in the first place was because he (through one of the henchies) killed Krillin! So Goku's motivation is just "Stop thew bad guy 'cause it's the heroic thing to do"? That's every action movie ever made in the history of ever. DB has a lot to it that action, especially before we hit the Saiyan Saga (I don't care what FUNi says, it's called the damn Saiyan Saga!)

Lies!
There's only one black person in DB and that's Mr. Popo!

I know I'm complaining a lot, but it's my fanboy nature. And I believe it's justified. This is ridiculous. it's gonna turn out just like Speed Racer. No one will see it because it's made for the wrong market. Hardcore DB Fans hate it 'cause it's so damn wrong. Casual fans will remember it fondly from the Toonami days and then not see it. Fans of other anime thinks DB is "gay" already. The 18-24 male demographic will skip it completely (Forbidden Kingdom which is basically the same thing as live action DB doesn't have the promise of Jet Li pissing in Jackie Chan's face (best scene ever IMO)). Children won't remember it or worse, think it's a Naruto ripoff.

Even so, I'm kinda hoping it makes enough to warrant a sequel. Then we can move onto my favorite character, Vegeta, and then I can really complain!